


Are you really happy ?

by Jacky_think_about_it



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cuddle whore, Forgive Me, Lots of Crying, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Pining, Rich is anxious, Slight Alcoholism, The Mells provide that, The Play, Trans Rich, Updating hopefully weekly, and my baby boi, gentle michael, i make my babies suffer and then make up for it with fluff, i need to be nicer to these characters wowie, if not every other week, love rich 2k17, michael has two lesbian moms, my bbybi, not that bad, omg, rich deserves a proper home, rich needs love, what if Michael in the play in Christine's place
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2018-11-13 20:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacky_think_about_it/pseuds/Jacky_think_about_it
Summary: Another fic about the play.





	1. The play but gayer

"You don't want to drink that, Jeremy!"

"Why not? "Jeremy yelled back , it was too much, _I made this mess I have to fix it._

"Because then you'll never be with him!"

jeremy whipped around to face the squip.  _Him?_ ~~~~ ~~~~The crowd of equipped students part to reveal Michael. He was looking right at jeremy, smiling wide.he realized why he felt so empty these past few weeks. He'd never felt so alone in his life. He was finally popular but it all meant nothing without Michael there. He was in love with him, part of him always knew this and he was ashamed. He was embarrassed and he hated himself for it. He looked up to find Michael smiling lovingly at him as if Jeremy is the only thing he'd ever need to be happy.

"You are the person I want to be with every day."

'I thought long and hard jeremy, and calcuated almost every Foreseeable future. Christine is that unattainable love interest. The kind they put in to be the distraction that the main character goes for instead of the more suitted match that was always under the main characters nose. Michael is this hidden match, don't tell me you've never felt that subtle warmth and comfort for being near him. I think you're much better suitted. '

' if that's how you feel why'd you make me push him away!" 

'I saw him as a weakness, a weak link , but as we progressed part of you clung onto him and only recently I realized why  .'

' I'm programmed to improve your life, trust that I'm looking out for your best interest.'

Jeremy tore his eyes away from the squip to see Michael stepping towards him. 

"And this is something that I've been afraid to say."

 

Michael was standing tall, instead of his usual slouch, chest puffed out slightly, head tilted forward. Jeremy wanted desperately to gaze into the chocolate brown eyes that always brought him comfort. Jeremys eyes were met with a striking electric blue, and his  breath hitched. 

His Michael was afraid of stages, crowds, and would never act like this. His Michael was always slouching and always made his chest seem smaller in comparison to his current stature. He looked like a cheap knockoff. A replacement.

"That is not Michael." Jeremy spat. This Michael was disgusting compared to  _his._  

"I assure you, it is!" 

Michael took a few strides forward. 

  
"Only his  fears and insecurities have been removed." 

Michael kept coming closer to jeremy, never taking his eyes off of him.

"You're the guy I am so kinda into."

Jeremy's heart was beating loud enough for the whole auditorium to hear and his legs forgot how to move. 

  
"the guy I am totally into."

jeremy shook his head. He kept muttering, " this isn't real, this isn't my Michael, he -"

  
"This feeling is new." Michael kept coming  _closer_. 

Jeremy was stumbling backwards, hoping if he closed his eyes it would all go away. Tears pouring, He was so close. 

Michael hands cupped his face, electric blue boring holes in his skull.   
"Jeremy-"

jeremy frantically shook his head, his sounded the same. The one person he could never say no to. He was so close,and jeremy felt like he was melting into his touch. He and Michael had been apart for so long and he'd been so terrible to him. 

'Why isn't he mad at me for the Halloween party ?'

'His biggest fear was losing you, and along with the Halloween party his memories of such have been .  _Removed.'he doesn't remember how terrible you were and now you have the chance to fix all of that. You could be better for him jeremy, this is the only way you'll ever deserve him. Do you think anyone else will ever love you again?  Take this jeremy. Let yourself be happy!'_

Michael was so close now and jeremy couldn't move away any longer. He was drawn to Michael. He couldn't leave Michael alone ever again. 

  
"I love you"

Jeremy's heart stopped beating and he forgot all that pain and suffering this brought him. He needed Michael, he needed to be near him, and he needed to be held by him. 

'That's your cue.' The squip smirked, coolly.

He melted into Michaels touch. He held him and everything felt right. 

"He'll do whatever I want?" Jeremy blushed,  _I'm such a horrible person but, everyone's so happy, everyone's connected ,everyone's getting along  is it wrong for me to be so selfish? I missed Michael for soooo long. Maybe now I could do right by him._

That's what I promised.' 

Jeremy knew before Michael kissed him he was in too deep, but as their lips met, he gasped. The bottle of Mountain Dew red clattered to the ground Michael Brought him close. 


	2. Be more Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a shiny hive mind and jeremy has never felt more alone being the center of attention.

He went to school, Michael walked him, they'd talk about simple little nothings but it never felt quite right. Most of the time the squip left him alone and for once, everyone loved him. He was the center of attention, everyone's best friend, but he still felt alone. 

 

At lunch they'd all ask how he was doing and it never felt like anyone ever talked about themselves. Rich was alone in the hospital and Jake didn't ever visit because he was too busy taking jeremy to the mall, or to the club, or to some party. Everyone was so bubbly and excited and all jeremy felt anymore was exhausted. 

One night the squip activated, scowling, 

'I improve your life substancally, I gave you everything you always wanted why-'

forgetting the squip was really a Person jeremy shouted back," BeCause none of its REAL! It's all too fake,  nothing feels right no matter how hard I try and sink into it. I feel left out, like they're all in on some strange unrealistic perfect world and I'm the only one who can't see it. Michael feels off. He's nothing like the old Michael MY Michael-" 

the squip let out a soft 'hmmm..'

'your mental state has only gone down, your health is lacking and thus I'm failing the objective to improve your life.' 

 

Jeremy didn't look back at him. This was all his fault. He was greedy and selfish and tried to take a shortcut. Now everyone like some twilight zone zombieverse version of themselves and I can't stand it. 

 

' want do you want Jeremy Heere? What can I do to improve your life?' 

 

A few minutes went by.

'tell me what you want. '

A couple more zoomed past. 

 

' TELL ME HOW TO HELP YOU. '

 

" I DONT KNOW! I SHOULD BE HAPPY BUT IM NOT. EVERYTHINGS FUCKED UP AND ITS ALL MY FAULT. " Jeremy's face burned from the hot wet tears that ran down his cheeks. He was ashamed, and he hated everything about himself. 

A knock at the window woke him up from his trance. He stared out at the entity who made its presence known. Michael smiled back.

Sighing, jeremy pulled his window up to let his boyfriend in.

" Your dad home?" A hint of fear in his eyes.

" Nope, business trip. Got the house to myself. " jeremy frowned at the carpet, nothing feels right. 

Michael slid his hand into Jeremy's and held it tight. 

"Well now I'm here so you don't have to be all alone tonight!" He smiled warmly at Jeremy, a few months ago this would have sent him head over heels, now all his could do was gag.

An idea sprang into his head. Wait a second. I GOT IT.  He lead Michael to the kitchen A grabbed a couple beers from the fridge. 

 

The squip scowled. 'Jeremy-'

jeremy took a swig before it could scould him any longer. 

" Michael take one." Jeremy's monotone voice rang through the dark empty kitchen. He felt ever emptier now that the squip was deactivated. 

Michael eagerly grabbed one and obeyed without question. Jeremy's stomach plummeted. Michaels face looked blank, like someone had shut down a computer and it was rebooting. He shut his eyes and when they sprang open they were a familiar hazelnut. 

" jeremy?" 

" where am I -"

he was cut off by Jeremy's heiving sobs as he burrows his face in Michaels jacket. 

 

" thank GOD it's you. It's really you"

Michael stared down in confusion at him as jeremy laughed hysterically into his chest. 


	3. Damn you , Jeremiah Heere.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is mad and jeremy is depressed

" Jeremy? What's-" Michael looked at jeremy who hadn't stopped crying into his sweater 

 

" jeez you're gonna get snot all over it."

"don'  care." Jeremy nuzzled his face into it, feeling Michael increased heart rate .  _It's really him. This is the happiest I've been in so long._

 

Unforturnately that didn't last. 

 

"When did I get here? Also why can't I REMEMBER like anything from the past monthIsh ? "

Jeremy froze, his heart plummeting. 

 

" don't get mad. "

 

"Saying that makes me wanna get mad "

 

" Michael.."

"Jeremy cut it out.... what happened?"

 

" The um... the squip, the squip won. "

 

" what do you mean it won jeremy you had the Mountain Dew red!"

 

" I dropped it. "

 

" YOU WHAT." Michaels face contorted with fury. 

 

" I did it-" his throat caught. He was choking on his words. He was so embarrassed. He knew it was wrong but -

 

" WHAT ON EARTH COULD MAKE YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT !" Jeremy couldn't hold it in any longer.

" I DID IT FOR YOU!"

Michaels face softened. Tears were coming into his eyes. His head was spinning 

 

" y-you what?"

 

" It gave me-" he was blushing furiously and he kept sobbing. He was always an ugly crier. Michael remembered how messed up he was when jer's mom left.  

 

" it gave me the chance to be with you, it made you love me and want to be with me. It was selfish and careless of me but I wanted to know what that was like - Mikey  please look at me - this is hard enoug-"

he was cut off by Michael slapping his face through his heaving sobs. 

 

" made me ? God what am I jer? Some fucking toy you can mess with. I'm a human person. GOD. I can't believe you. I don't even know who I'm looking at right now. " he looked at jeremy in disgust. 

"Michael let me explain- !" 

michael turned away from jeremy and locked himself in the bathroom. 

* * *

 

Jeremy drank another beer to keep the squip at bay, but spat Mair out when he realized michael squip would turn on soon without some. 

 

He begged michael to open up and listen to him but he suspected his headphones were on. A half hour later the door opened and those dead blue eyes looked down on him. 

 

" Jerry why are you crying ?" "Michael" tried to put his arms around him but jeremy pushed him away. He lead it into the bathroom, accompanied but a couple beers and Such before locking them in together. 

 

"Drink this." 

 

He he watched as michael robooted again but looked away before the love of his life could scowl at him. 

 

" fuck off jeremy. "

 

" I couldn't just let you be a zombie again." 

 

Michaels eyes widened before they turned stone cold once more. 

 

" the fuck did you mean ' be together ' -"

Jeremy's breath hitched. 

 

" michael mell I-"  he took a deep breath. It couldn't get any worse.  _Right?_

 

" im in love with you."

michaels jaw dropped and he didn't bother picking it up off the floor.

Jeremy avoided eye contact.

"And the squip used that to trick me into doing what he wanted. He gave me a chance to live in some twilight zone zombie realm where you loved me back and everyone was friendly and I took it. But you weren't you. You like some alien trying to act like you like in that Star Trek episode you like so much. " jeremy  laughed nervously, michaels face softened the more jeremy rambled. 

 

" jeremy-"

 

" it just IT said all these awful things and I believed them and I just wanted to live in a world where everyone got along. I just want my highschool to be a nice place."

"jeremy " 

 

" I felt so terrible about the bathroom thing , I tried to go back and apologize , I kept knocking but you didn't come so I thought you would be too mad when you saw it was me so I ran-"

"JEREMY!"

jeremy looked up from the tile floor, his lip was swollen from biting it too much and his hands were shaking. He couldn't look michael in the eye. Not now. 

" you're such an idiot. You know that ?" 

Jeremy started biting his lip again. 

" chill out man-"

jeremy froze in terror and looked at ground. 

 

And then he fell over in a blind panic and hit his head for the towel rack. 

* * *

 

Michael flipped out as jeremy went down. He sat on the freezing bathroom floor holding jeremy in his arms. I fucked that up. Way to go michael. He wanted to be mad at jeremy. He really did. But knowing  _his_ huge crush on Jeremy he realized deep down he would have probably done the same had he been given the chance. 

 

He called his spencers hook up and requested that shipment of MTR on speed delvery. " it's urgent. " 

 

he negociated for a while until He managed to convince them that tomorrow was the absolute latest and it was very important.  

 

He drank a couple beers waiting for  jeremy to  stir. Brushing the hair off his face , he traced his finger along Jeremy's cheek. It was soft and puffy like a child's. He looks surreally calm, and michael smiled warmly as he observed every detail of his ex best friends face. Without realizing it, michael had forgiven Jeremy a long time ago. That's just the way it was. Michael would do anything for Jeremy and he couldn't stay mad at him very long. He hated his big crush on his best friend when low and behold jeremy felt the same way. 

 

 

Damn us for being so clueless and getting in this whole mess in the first place. 

 

 

 

 

Taking one last look at Jeremy's soft almost invisible freckles michael thought to himself 

 

and damn you for being so cute Jeremiah Heere. 

 

_Damn you._

 


	4. Reliving the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael remembers what he did while squiped 
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry this took so long writers block is a nasty woman.

Michael joking thought out his options.

 

_I could sit and wait, I could slap him silly , do something cheesy_

  
With a snort, michael thought of every disney/ princess movie cop out: true loves kiss.

  
Brushing Jeremy's delicate, soft bangs away, michael stroked the taller boys cheek with his thumb. The touch was gentle and loving, and made Michael's cells buzz with a certain electric feeling. His stomach was doing leaps and his lungs seemed incapable of filling up with air. He noticed how small the dimples Jeremy has are, but when he smiles just wide enough they light up on his face. Besides the fact his hair shimmers in the sun. Softer than a cloud.. And boy those eyes. Michael thought they were as blue as the ocean, he felt like he was drowning in them, when he stared for too long, but he never seemed to want to get air. He'd give anything and everything up for Jeremy, and he knows this. He always did. And he always will. He wishes he know Jeremy felt the same way before this whole mess got the way it did. Focusing all his energy, Michael strains , trying to remember everything that happened while he was squiped. The memories come streaming in, flooding his mind. He feels isolated on an island of unknown knowledge and experience.

  
_He remembers confessing at the play acting much more confident and proud. Kissing Jeremy and surprising him forcing him to drop the bottle of Mountain Dew red. Damn that's how he -_

  
_And then everything stopped. Jeremy submitted into the kiss, kissing back and holding onto Michael for dear life, as if letting go would lead to certain death. When he pulled away Jeremy looked lost, broken , ashamed. But Michael in all his squip glory dragged him around like some trophy. The squiped cast cheered, whoops and hollers rang. Christine smiles and jake claps Jeremy on the back. They go out for dinner at the nearest Denny's and talk about nothing in particular. Jeremy leans on Michael and dosed off. The whole ordeal exhausted him. They walked home alone afterwards, Michael invited him to sleepover and Jeremy only grunted in response. Michael whipped around and planted a rough firm kiss on Jeremy's lips. In shock, Jeremy woke up more suddenly. He sunk into the kiss and smiled. He sighed into michael's mouth and with a smirk Michael pushed his tongue inside. Gasping, Jeremy took a double take. He pulled away and flushed. He looked scared as Michael smirked at him._

_“ M-Michael! We- I -”_

_He didn't have a chance to argue because Michael squip forced him to latch onto Jeremy once more. He press his chest firmly into Jeremy's and held him close. He burrowed his face into Jeremy's neck. Without warning, he left a mark._

  
_Jeremy stared wide eyed and pushed Michael off him._

_“I gotta go Michael. Can't stay tonight. “_

_With a huff, he watched Jeremy sprint off. His squip had kept Michael in the deep recess of his own mind while it played puppeteer. It seemed to enjoy itself too._

_He continued to act similarly until it seemed Jeremy's spirit broke. He submitted into the touches and didn't fight back. Michael smiled maliciously at him, and lead Jeremy to the broom closet for their routine time together. Jeremy felt sick._

  
So did Michael as he watched himself do all of this and realize why Jeremy seemed so defeated. He was broken and it was his fault. Michael had to help fix this.

  
I mean. What's a player two for ?

 

 

 

suddenly remembering his thoughts from earlier, Michael jokingly leans forward. As gently as he can Michael pressed his lips to Jeremy's. As he pulled away he swears he saw Jeremy's eyelashes flutter. With a start the taller boy wakes up and Michael for once believes in the true magic of those Cheesy princess movies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for reposting this chapter but the publication date was wrong so some people didn't know I updated it ''':)


	5. Cuddles and crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title explains it all 
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry this took forever I've had summer school cramming and writers block and traveling- it's bee n a M E S S 
> 
>  
> 
> But without further adieu ! Here it is!

  
Jeremy looked up into hazelnut orbs and the reddest face on the Goddamn planet. Michael was sweating as he stared into jeremy’s unreadable expression.

  
“ holy fuck it worked” Michael whisper shouted.

  
He and Jeremy realized the current situation and looked away from the sheer tangible embarrassment. The tension was suffocating, until Jeremy broke it with a touch. The grab of Michael's wrist. The warmth of his thumb gently rubbing the inner Palm. His thumb rested in the Shallow dent in the palm, his other fingers wrapped around Michael wrist softly.

  
“ I - d-didn't know you c-c-could k-kiss like that “

“Like what ?” Michael was confused, when he was squiped he’d kiss Jeremy before, _**hell**_ this kiss was probably lackluster compared-

“ it was so gentle and - “

He giggled and started crying.

“ real, and messy and awkward, and - you”

Michael blushes and scratches the back of his neck, adjusting the sit next to Jeremy on the floor, icy just he didn't seem to notice with Jeremy moving his fingers to lace with his. Michael stares at it for a long time. _How the hell did this become my life?_ Jeremy other hand cupped michael's face and guided he to meet his gaze.

  
“ it was really you and that's all I could ever want ”

Michael rested his forehead on jeremy's and laughed quietly.

 

“ I've loved you since seventh grade,since…. you snuck into the house when my moms were on a vacation and I was having a panic attack, remember, and took me home ?”

“ oh my god, the time you didn't eat for a week because you didn't wanna talk to the delivery man and couldn't drive? And you didn't wanna worry me and didn't wanna like live at my house the whole time but I basically fucking kidnapped you and I wouldn't let you sleep on the floor?”

  
“ yep and you let me sleep in your bed, and you were scared I'd Leave in the middle of the night so you cuddled me to death every nigh-” he died laughing at Jeremy the tomato.

 

“ hey in my defense, you tried to leave the first night and you are- surprisingly cuddly and - and -”

“ oh my fucking god Jeremiah Heere is a **Cuddle Whore** you heard it _HEERE_ FOLKS -” he could barely get it out, when he did, he gasped through heaving laughs. Jeremy punched his shoulder, fake pouting but the corner of his mouth curled up to show a smile.

 

“ you are the biggest **dork** on the earth.” Jeremy rested his head on michaels shoulder.

  
Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy, that is until the taller boy flinched and tensed up and Michael retracted his hands.

 

“ I'm so sorry Jeremy-” Jeremy backed away, shaking his hand.

“ it's fine, it's just - _you_ \- _We_ - _I_ ” Jeremy buried his face in his hands, holding back tears.

“ _shhhhhhh_. It's fine . I know Jeremy , I know. “ Jeremy looked up in shock and Michael guided the taller, lanky, boy’s head onto his shoulder.

 

“ _how_?” He looked anxious, scared, and embarrassed, Michael cups his cheek and wipes his thumb back in forth, calming and reassuring. The gesture is sweet and soft and speaks hidden thoughts and unspoken vows of protection and healing.

 

 

Jeremy nodded his head and dives into michael's chest. They sit there wrapped up in each other for a long time.

 

  
They talk about their feelings and what they want to do next, Jeremy pipes up.

 

 

  
“ how are we gonna Unsquip everyone “ he looked anxious, fidgeting as they sat face to face on the freezing tile floor. They exchanged absurd answers until -

 

 

  
“ I have an idea!” He grinned as his genius IQ finally provided a use.

 

 

  
“ what is it?!? “ jeremy's eyes were wide saucers and Michael bubbled up with excitement.

 

 

  
“ come here, real close and listen closely” Michael smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some comments and your thoughts on the chapter and the story so far! 
> 
>  
> 
> Poll: what's your favorite song from Be More Chill? 
> 
>  
> 
> My answer : ummmmm * sweats * 
> 
>  
> 
> I um 
> 
>  
> 
> I love them all for unique reasons sooooooo 
> 
>  
> 
> Best back track : Michael in the bathroom besides the fact it's FUCKIN ACCURATE PANIC ATTACK SHIT 
> 
> shots and giggles / what a bop : smart phone hour 
> 
>  
> 
> Jam sess: pitiful children 
> 
> Cuteness: either of Christines song or anything with Her she's an angel 
> 
>  
> 
> What a hip pity bippity bop : more than survive and squip song 
> 
>  
> 
> Etc. 
> 
>  
> 
> Lmk you're favorite and why


	6. What the hell are we and what are we doing ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Jeremy concocted a master plan.

Michael Jeremy drove to the school with the basic supplies, breaking in wouldn't be a sinch but michael was surprisingly skilled at these things. 

 

 

Jeremy held Michael's hand as they crept towards the building,

 

Michael was carrying a backpack full of Mountain Dew red from his Spencer hook up ( god bless he understood what emergency meant )

Jeremy squeezed Michael's hand tight,

 _Finally... no more squips!_ he smiled to himself bitterly. _I started this mess I'm going to end it._

 

Together the two broke off the lock and snuck inside without error. Jeremy lead michael to the inner workings and they quickly found what they were looking for. 

 

 

" jackpot!" Michael smiled and looked at Jeremy , he smile faltered when he saw jeremy was crying. 

 

" you okay? " michael wiped his ... friends?  Cheek gingerly, causing the tear S to shred more frequently. 

 

" it's just, will it really be over? To just- 

 

its just-" he choked on his sob, michael pulled two beers out of his back back and handed one to Jeremy. 

 

 

" the plan won't work regardless if it reactivates " he holds Jeremy's hands steady so he can take a sip.  

 

They stared  at each other, faint pinks painting their soft tones on the collarbones and cheeks of the young oblivious boys. The silencer between them was thick and choked any hope of communication. They just drank their beer in silence and stared some more. 

 

 

Bracing to break the silence, jeremy sobs out," what the fuck are we michael ?"

 

The question catches michael off guard and he flushes up to his ears. 

 

" what-"

 

" dont 'what ' me you know exactly what I'm getting at " jeremy huffed. 

 

 

Mixhael took jeremys hand in his own , " jer it's just- can we finish saving the school first, I don't really understand everything yet and I need time " jeremy nodded and smiled sadly.

 

" I really fucked up big time, didn't I?" 

 

Michael put a hand of his cheek and stroke his tear trails away ," you make mistakes, so do I. We are all human jer. "

 

 

They talk a bit a bit longer until jeremy reminds him they have to hurry and get this plan done.

 

Jeremy and Michael pour the Mountain Dew red into the schools water system, water fountains, kitchen, bathrooms, sprinklers, you know it .

 

"It's 'dew' time that we save the school, eh mikey ?" He caused michael to snort at his pun and the two fled the school after accomplishing their goal.

 

 

They held hands the whole drive home. 

Michael sleeps over at the Heere Household and for the first time in months jeremy feels safe wrapped up in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck this too k for ever , I didn't forget about this story I was just a wee bit more focused on the chatfic and generous pour but he(E)RE it is???‽ ?
> 
> What do you think the rest of the plan entails ???


	7. Rich investment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich set a fire. 
> 
>  
> 
> Rich arc part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need more rich  
> I love him and I'm sorry for this
> 
>  
> 
> Warning suicidal thoughts and attempts

 

 _ **Halloween Night**_ -

  
The sting of alcohol burn his throat as his squip tried to zap and scratch as it malfunctioned. It seemed to scream before babbling in Japanese and fading away into nothingness.

  
He felt the hive mind melt away and the data from the past couple of months sunk in. The amount of times he had blacked out and now seeing what his squip tackled for him. He remembered events his squip didn't mention. His father, coming home drunk, locked Doors, his squip retorting and figuring out ways to -

  
He shuddered, the next batch of memories unfolding, talking with jake, screwing with Jerry ? - _Jeremy_ ?and that headphones kid, telling jeremy about the squip- _shit shit shit why did I do that? Did I - did I want someone to go through the same shit as me- or did I want someone to relate to - or an ally- a real friend - someone to care about me and understand what this floppy disk was like - by no - now I've doomed another person to this - fucked his life up - I'm a terrible person - I can't take another night in that house - oh jake- sweet jake- forget about jake -he'd hate the real rich -_

  
All the thoughts rushed through rich and it was so much. Too much. All too much. He wished he never stumbled into that Payless and heard the offer of the ‘lifetime ‘. He remembered the fact about Mountain Dew red, Payless guy told him the last time he went in, rich was a little buzzed and looked miserable. He asked how the squip was and when rich wasn't answering as quickly as he hoped, he suggested the method of removal, though it was a secret and he wasn't even supposed to know himself. He only knew it because he was conducting research on the tech and wondered why Mountain Dew activated it. He wondered if all Mountain Dew activated them , knowing some customers weren't all going to use the straight up original. Most acted the same but when mixed with red it sparked and seemed to reject it - the pill and the computer inside it was useless. He only had red because he was walking by a Spencer's gifts and saw a sale on vintage soda. He never told customers about the removal but ever since his last customer , the _Harvard_ boy, who begged him for a removal before going insane, He felt terrible, had he known the cure before he could have helped him, it wasn't a happy Job per se but it paid the bills. He told rich because he didn't want a repeat incident, it's too bad he was out of red. Spencer's was sold out. No one had heard of Mountain Dew red. Rich was going crazy.

 

So here he was at a party begging his classmates, like a crazy person.

  
_This is so not cool-_

_  
This is so creepy and weird-_

_  
They think I'm nuts-_

_  
They think I'm ugly-_

_  
Maybe I should just_ -

 

He started crying, and couldn't stop. He furiously wipes them away hoping no one would see.

  
He ran into the nearest bathroom-

_Shit someone's using it-_

  
He knocked over and over- jeremy spotted him, who was looking _anxious_ and suggested the upstairs bathroom, as he fled up the stairs he saw jeremy, knock a little more on the door before running his hands through his hair and running off to go home.

He found the open upstairs bathroom, he was sobering up -  
Shit!  
No no no I can't deal with it now !

  
He locked the door quick and sat on the floor- trying to be as small as possible as if it would hope him disappear faster.  
He had a bottle of beer in his hand left hand, he set it down next to him and pulled out a joint hoping to calm down. He frantically lit the joint and inhaled the smoke. His anxiety was heightened and his insecurity highlighted by the repressed events. He felt _sick_. Like he shouldn't even be here.

  
_Like shouldn't even be here._

_  
Like he shouldn't be alive._

 

Rich was sobbing uncontrollably and kicked the beer bottle, hard. It shattered and the foul brown fluid seeped on the tile floor. Rich looked at it in shame. He squeezed the lighter in his hand tight and the thought popped in his head-  
He flicked the lit joint into the alcohol and watched the birth of the flame. The alcohol has since ran towards his feet and he was engulfed in flames, his squip had reactivated and tried its best to block his pain receptors.  The smoke messed with it's programming though, since rich's brain was losing oxygen it's higher functioning was unavailable. At least he'd die alone.

  
A drunk girl wobbled around giggling until she screamed “ FIRE THERE'S A FIRE !” Jake leaped up checking if it was true.

  
He helped some kid get out of the bathroom after the door knob had broken - he got out a little traumatized but nonetheless unscathed and was told someone was still upstairs-

  
_Everyone was out except -  
Rich! God no not rich anyone but rich!_

  
Jake scrambled up the stairs as fast as he could, he couldn't allow something bad to happen to rich he would be able to live with himself.

 

The door was locked. Jake screamed for rich begging to know if he was okay. When he didn't get a response he realized rich could have passed out due to smoke inhalation. He slammed his body into the door until the wood splintered and came crashing down. He saw rich unconscious on the floor and covered in burns- he grabbed the boy ignoring how hot his skin was- jake felt like he was going to get burns just from holding the smaller boy. He ran to what used to be his parents master bedroom and opened the window, or well, kicked it open. His leg stung and bled. He cursed as the smoke made his eyes sting he set rich's limp body on the window ledge before stepping out on the roof , he cringed as he looked at the yard beneath him. His legs shaking, he grabbed rich before the flames could move towards him. He threw his small body over his shoulder and with a gulp and a rush of adrenaline, jake jumped. He felt his legs pulse with pain and agony. He winced, people were screaming and his once beautiful house was becoming nothing but ash. Jake cried, not about the house, but because rich hadn't woken up and his parents weren't coming back for him.

 

Richs dad didn't give a shit, and disowned him instead of paying hospital bills. The nurse in charge took care of him- paid for the treatment -her name was _Mell_ something-

 

She was sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry-
> 
>  
> 
> Love y'all


	8. Time equals wealth So I must be rich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoop woo Rich arc part TWO 
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING - MENTIONED SEXUAL HARASSMENT 
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Please enjoy !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, this chapter is my baby, I've read it and reread it and edited it over and over. 
> 
>  
> 
> I love y'all so much and you have no idea how much these comments keep me going. They really do help me write better and faster.

 

  
Rich _sat_ there hour after hour, _day_ after **day**.

Bored as hell, he analyzed the room over again. Nothing had changed. The lamp beside him was dim and _dull_. The monitors beeped and _droned_ on, the occasional whirr or whizz would sound off. The other bed was empty, no one came to visit ever. _Of course jake wouldn't visit not today not ever. Why would he ?_ The door seemed so far and the window was locked. _Not like rich could get up anyway_. The sheets were a pale yellow, mellow but sad. It was barely any warmth, but the full body cast was hot enough. His cast arm was able to reach the pain button and emergency alert if need be. The meds didn't do much to quiet the voice Not the way alcohol does. Rich tried ignore the best he could. It got hard to bear. But he'd do best. He clicked the painkiller button once more, making the voice drop to _barely_ a whisper.

 

_‘ I wonder how many clicks it would take kill you.’_

 

 

 

 

_‘ “Richard” this is pathetic, this is more pitiful than dying’_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

' you're so helpless'

 

 

 

  
_‘ disgusting‘_

 

 

 

'Hopeless '

 

 

'nothing'

 

 

 

'nobody'

 

 

 

 

  
_‘ “Richard” you should just died like we were supposed to’_

 

 

 

 

 

_‘ you're every bit defective as I am now…’_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_It was quiet after that._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The _nice_ nurse came in _again_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She looked _tired_ lately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ Richard I'm going check your vitals now…”

 

 

 

  
She smiled _softly_ as he nodded. He was _tired_. _Tired of lying in a bed. In a full body cast._ While his burns stung and his squip’s words ripped him apart. The best part of his day was talking to this stupid lady. _She didn't even know him. She probably kids of her own that she could be taking care of. Why does she treat me so nicely? I'm a **nobody**. Rich goranski, the loser no one remembers from freshman year. He didn't need a binder for his chest when he was in a full body cast. Why would anyone remember him from freshman year. No one knew Regina. Why would they know Richard?_

 

 

  
He sighed. _Why did the nurse even call him by his preferred name anyway? It wasn't on any of the legal documents. How she even **know**?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Richard?”

 

  
He snapped back to reality.

 

 

  
“ what thit y- you thay? “

 

 

He blushed from embarrassment. He _hated_ his lisp. He _hated_ it so much. He choked back tears. Nurse Mell smiled sweetly, sadness in her eyes.

 

 

  
“ I asked how you doing ? Your vitals have steadied. You're nice and healthy Rich .” Again she smiled warmly. Lovingly. _The way a mother would look at her child. But that's the problem. He didn't **have** a mother. His father wasn't exactly father of the year either._

 

* * *

  
‘Rebeccaaaaaa'

 

  
‘ Dad?’

 

  
‘ Rebecca why are you callinggggg me t-that -’

 

 

 

  
‘ you're drunk again aren't you. Listen it's me , your daughter ‘

 

 

 

  
‘ nonsense rebecca’

 

 

 

 

 

  
‘ I'm not her!’

 

 

  
‘ Cmmmereeeee Rebeccaaaaaaaaaa ’

 

 

 

 

  
‘I'm not her, I'm not mom!’

 

 

 

  
‘ stop that!’

 

 

 

  
‘ don't touch there!’

 

 

 

  
‘ stop it dad!’

 

 

  
‘calm doWN rebecca’

 

 

 

  
‘I'm not her!’

 

 

 

  
‘ rebecca!’

 

 

 

  
‘ SHES DEAD!’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘ moms dead….’

 

 

 

 

 

‘ she's gone…’

* * *

  
_He couldn't **breathe**. He could move or see he was drowning in an endless spiral of sensory overload. Pain was the only constant. He forgot where he was , who he was. Make it stop god **make it stop**. Make it all stop I just to -_

  
“Richard are you alright you're crying!” She wiped his tears since he couldn't. _He couldn't even move._

  
She cupped his cheek and gently wiped the tears.

 

 

  
“ why do you c-care abouth m-me so muth?”

 

 

 

 

  
She smiled sadly, pain evident in her eyes. she opened her mouth to speak and hesitated. Clearing her throat she said, “My sons acting strangely and he won't _talk_ to me. He's never home anymore, _which was normal he practically lives at his friend's house but-_  
He's been - **different**. “ She practically spat the last sentence out in he midst of her ramblings. She took a deep breath to stop herself from spewing out all her thoughts at once. Doctor Mell sighed sadly.

 

 

 

 

After a moment, she took another breath and continued.

 

 

 

“You get hurt at the _GOD_ awful party in that fire. Your friend _brought_ you in but hasn't visited. You have no visitors. You _always_ look like you're in _pain_. _Your parents aren't around_ \- “

 

 

 

 

 

  
“ I thont havth parenths.” His eyes were cold and void of emotion.

 

 

 

 

 

  
She gasped softly and he could feel the sadness in her. It _radiated_ off her. She shook quietly.

 

 

 

 

 

  
“ I meanth- I havth a thad- He juth- he”

 

 

 

 

 

He gulped down his heavy beating heart, _shoving_ it back down into his chest cavity.

 

 

 

 

  
“ he dissth owned me.”

 

 

  
She jumped up to stare at him, too shocked to speak. The sadness _boiled_ into rage.

 

 

 

  
“ he told us nurses he was simply your _guardian_ and he couldn't afford _your_ bills.” She _shook_ with rage. She spoke through gritted teeth.

 

 

 

 

“ you dont _hath_ to take care ofth me anymore..”

 

 

 

  
“ Richard! I'd take care of you as if you were my _own_ and I'd do it _again_!”

 

 

 

He opened his mouth to speak and then promptly shut it. _He didn't know what to say to that._

 

“ hush now and drink up. You haven't had anything all day. “

 

 

 

 

“ thank you missth.”

 

 

 

 

“ it's not a problem Richard. “

 

 

 

 

“ thank you anywayths.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

He tried to shift, a little uncomfortable from the amount of talking he was doing. Until he remembered, he can't move can he?

 

  
“ do - do you know my _son_?”

 

 

 

 

  
He squinted at her as if to ask her mentally _'who?'_

 

 

 

 

“ _michael_. My son _michael Mell._ ”

 

 

 

He hummed, it sounded so _familiar_.

 

 

 

  
“ he's best friends with this boy named _Jeremy Heere-_ ”

 

 

 

  
_'oh my god.'_

 

 

 

He gasped at her. It _clicked_. **Antisocial headphones kid.** _Oh **god** what do I tell her???_

 

 

 

“ no not really thorry”

 

 

 

 

  
“ I know”, she cleared her throat. “ I know that you - you used to bully him, richard. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

Richs breath hitched. **_What do I say?!?_**

 

 

 

  
“ I just want to know why, you _seem_ so _sweet_ ,” her hands were balled into fists. Knuckles white. “ I just want to know _why_. “ her expression was unreadable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“ iths a thlong sthory.”

 

 

 

 

 

She frowned.

 

 

 

 

 

“ I wasthnt myselth.”

 

 

 

 

They sat in silence after a long time. Avoiding eye contact. _I think I blew the only human connection I had **left**._

 

 

 

 

  
She cleared her throat.

 

 

 

 

“ do want a speech therapist to come and visit you- “

 

  
“ thothe costh money-”

 

 

 

  
“ I'll gladly pay.”

 

 

 

 

  
“ no !”

 

 

 

Rich was crying. _Why is she so_ **nice** to me? I'm **sick** of it. I'm **helpless** and she's **pitying** me.  
Pity.  
I'm sick of **pity**. I **hate** being seen as **weak** and being **pitied**. I want **respect**.

 

 

 

 

 

  
“ richard, when you are discharged from the hospital, where will you _**go**_ ?”

  
“ I -I “

 _  
He really hadn't thought about it. He had no family, no where to go, no friends, well, no **real** friends_.

 

“ richard, I'm _promising_ you a place at my home if you _need_ it. I want someone to _care_ for you and I think someone like me _can_. I _want_ to. I _want_  to take care of you. ”

 

“ you're thnot my mother!”

 

He was crying so hard. He struggles to breathe. It's was an ugly cry, snot bubbles and all.

 

She sighed.

 

 

  
“ no but I'm going to kick your ass if you don't stop shutting me out-”

 

 

 

  
“ I goth enouth of that ath _home_ I thont need-”

 

 

 

 

She looked mortified. She apologized immensely.

 

 

  
She really was sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

Two days later, the speech therapist came in and helped him daily. He opened up more and more to Dr. Mell. With his consent she helped rich sue his father. He was investigated and taken away. Mrs mell _testified_ in court on richs behalf against him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week after she came in again, _smiling_ per usual.

 

 

 

  
“ Richie I got a question for you. “ her voice was bubbling with excitement and she half sang the words.

 

 

 

 

“ well I probably have an answer Doc!” _He really was improving, painkillers muted the Squip for the most part. He was healthier and definitely happier. He didn't feel **helpless**. He felt **hopeful**._

 

 

 

“ rich you know how a promised you a room at my house when you got released?” She suddenly looked a little nervous which was a _strange_ color on her. Rich tilted his head, trying to read her mind.

 

 

  
She slid a piece of paper onto his bed tray. He squinted to read what it said. The hospital light was dim and he was still _drowsy_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
" ‘ legal doc- '"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" document of ad-adoption' ?! "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading thisssss!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> I love y'all ! 
> 
> Please leave me a comment , some kudos and answer this poll
> 
>  
> 
> POLL:
> 
> So what do you think the boys are going to do now ? 
> 
>  
> 
> Should they go help rich after they save the school or now ?


	9. Sleepy love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god im so sorry, schools been kicking my assssssss
> 
>  
> 
> Im so sorry for the delay im getting straight back to updates because were getting to the climax

 

  
Jeremy woke up very afraid. He had the best dream, he and michael were back to normal and were going to stop the squip but life was never kind to Jeremiah Heere so why would it be now? Yet michael's arms were _still_ wrapped around him.

 

Jeremy looked at his peaceful face. The way his sun spots ( freckles ) were sprinkled as if they were stars. Michaels eyelashes that were as delicate and beautiful as feathers. The way his lips were slightly parted and a slight dribble of drool was leaking out of the corner. Jeremy laughed to himself.

  
Then he remembered something, he wasn't drunk, nor was michael. His squip had not reactivated yet. Jeremy wiggled out of michaels arms and grabbed a beer. He drank it in nearly one swig. Guzzling it to stifle his fear. He tapped michael's cheeks til his eyes fluttered open and handed him the drink before not michael could say anything.

 

They smiled at each other but michael still seemed _off_.

 

Jeremy cleared his throat.

  
“So we've put it in the water system, what do we do now? “

  
“ well, any loose ends?”

  
“ i think that covers everything.”

  
Michael met jeremy's gaze, but the latter could still see the pain in the others chocolatey eyes. The eye contact was too much for the tanned boy whose eyes filled with a conflicted sadness and turned away. Jeremy's lip quivered, he wanted to do much in this moment. _But did he deserve it ? Did he deserve to draw michael close to him and hold him? Did he deserve to meet his gaze and see his smiles._ The words stuck to the back of his throat, threatening to spill as bile replaced it. His hands were shaking, and he felt his eyes scrunch together willing the tears that threatened to spill to disappear. _He didn't deserve michael. But he could try._

 

  
“ M-Micah?,”jeremy suppressed the vomit that crawled up his throat while also shoving his heart to go back down as well. His stuttering didnt help  

  
Michael turned to face him but didn't seem to meet his eyes.

 

“ im s-sorry about halloween ,” michaels breath hitched, “ i was drunk _imeanthatdoesntexcusewhatididbut_ \- “ he cleared his throat and tried to start over.

  
“ I should have trusted you, i was a selfish bastard, and I pushed you away, but youre all i truly need. michael you m-mean everything to me so -“  
Jeremy sniffled amd felt warm tears roll down his cheeks. He furiously wiped them away with his jacket sleeve.

  
“I hope you can forgive me, if you can. I understand if you cant -“

  
Michael embraced him so suddenly that it knocked the air out of jeremy's lungs.

  
“ shut up you dick. “ michael chuckled sadly and shifted his hands to jeremy's shoulders and smiled tiredly.

“ i forgave you a long time ago , after twelve years of friendship it's hard to stay mad at you, i couldn't _even if i tried. “_

  
They pressed their foreheads together and took a deep breath.

 

“ after everything we've been through, your mom, my parents divorce and my mom's second marriage all of which happened before my fifth birthday, the bullies-“ michael laughed but jeremy's eyes widened.

  
“ oh my god Rich!”

  
“ yeah what about him jer?”

  
“ he's still in the hospital, alone and squipped.” Jeremy's eyes were filled with panic and guilt.

  
“ what?”

  
“ GRAB YOUR KEYS. NOW. “

  
“ jer?”

  
“ **NOW**.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this youbeautiful people i love you so much. Im beey sleep deprived and provably ghostwriting or sleepwritinf half of this at this point. 
> 
>  
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos they fuel my writing spirit and my will to live 
> 
>  
> 
> Love you !


	10. What a turn of events, the irony is rich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bois go to the hospital and well, you'll just have to see : )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLANATION OF WHY THEY HAVEN'T JUST DRANK THE MTN DEW RED:
> 
> so they want to be sure they're all in the same place at the same time they don't know about the chain reaction of the linked squips so they want to take care of all loose ends and ensure they're all destroyed. Not to spoil what theyre doing but, they need them ( most of them) in the same place at the same time.
> 
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> Also hey hun, love you, as always you help (make) me write. And I can never truly thank you enough
> 
>  
> 
> this ones dedicated to you, you're getting two chapters in one weekend wowie

 

 

Jeremy grabbed the keys and was out the door _so fast_ , Michael couldn't even ask why he was so worked up.

 

 

" We can't just let him sit all by himself with that thing. He's actually a nice guy behind the snark and the aggression." Jeremy spat, disdain for the squip obvious

 

Jeremy's eyes seemed to burn with determination. And just like that Michael found himself in the passenger seat of his PT, knee bouncing anxiously. They both occasionally sipped their beers, not enough to get _hammered_ but enough to screw that  Japanese flash-drive over. Jeremy didn't seem to care as he ran a red light and couldn't hear the shouting that followed. He had to get to the hospital. now. He wouldn't leave Rich. Not after all he found out. See Jeremy always had a problem with being too curious, so after Rich talked about being there their freshman year well Jeremy found out his secret.  Jeremy dug through the stacks of yearbooks and school papers that cluttered his floor to hunt him down. _Well, **her** down. at least back then._ The nervous tight lipped smile of Regina Goranski was hard to look at. Jeremy put the book down and as advised by his squip pretended he never saw it. Back then he seemed to worship the way Rich's squip erased his previous social identity and built him up,but now from experience with one, He knew how the squip probably manipulated the hell out of Rich's insecurities to get him to be their puppet.

 

 

 

Jeremy once told Rich he'd be there for him, squipped or not he was _going_ keep that promise.

 

 

 

Michael slowly reached out to grasp Jeremys hand in his own. caressing his thumb over the knuckles of the other boys index finger. Jeremy took a deep breath and squeezed Michaels hand tightly, as if to check that he was real, present, and here to stay. Some anger released along with the exhale of air that followed.

 

 

 

As they parked in the Hospital lot, they seemed to sober up mentally, but were very much still tipsy. Not enough to truly be noticeable. _They hoped._

 

 

 

 

 

Jogging slightly, they reached the receptionist's desk. Clearing his throat, Jeremy called her attention to the two.

 

 

 

" Here to visit... Richard Goranski?" Jeremy stuttered out, sweat running down his temple as he _prayed_ rich's name was in the system as Rich or at least a nurse had taken notice.

 

 

The nurse searched  up by last name, and put two and two together. She nodded as she put two wristbands on the two boys to signify them as authorized visitors.

 

"Room 419, Re _g- Richard_ Goranski" she smiled sadly, biting her bottom lip.

 

 

" The nurse should be in with him now, so please do as she instructs. If she says the patient needs rest, . _.. he ._.. needs rest. "

 

 

The two boys nodded and understood. Rich was badly injured, it was a miracle visitors were even an option.

 

 

 

 

 

They rode the elevator in silence and walked past the many doors of the fourth floor until they saw the right patient card in the door frame.

 

 

 

Michael squeezed Jeremy's hand, sensing the anxiety emanating off of him. He cupped Jeremy's face, thumb running up and down his soft cheeks as he looked deep into those nervous eyes.

 

" I'm here, don't you ever forget. Everything from now on we can handle together okay? _You'll never be alone, because you got me, Okay?"_ Michael's eyes seemed to plead for a response.

 

 

Jeremy nodded, leaning into the touches, " Okay."

 

 

 

They push the door open together, and what follows added _so many more questions to their heads._

 

 

  _" Mom?!"_ MIchael  sputtered

 

**"Michael!?"** Nurse Mell responded

 

 

**_" Jeremy?! Michael?!"_** Rich panicked

 

> _**" " " "What are you doing here?"  " " "** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats it for now, be back soon,since somEONES HOLDING ME TO WEEKLY UPDATES N O W


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